This week, I celebrated my 38th birthday. The eve of my birthday, I was praying and had an abundant sense that the heavens were celebrating over my birth and over the plans God had for my life and how they are coming into fruition. In that moment, a sense of God’s delight in me overflowed from my heart and permeated my entire being. It was the best birthday gift I have ever received.
In the morning, when I woke, that sense of joy and God’s delight and celebration in me was still so evident, that I did something I’ve never done quite in this way before. I paused and took time to pray and thank God for making me. I celebrated with Him over my birth and His beautiful design of me. I felt an abundance of joy as I meditated on who He’s designed me to be. My personality, my giftings, the way I look and my physical appearance, and I rejoiced over how each and every year, He’s significantly transformed me to becoming more and more like the daughter of the King that I am designed to be. And so, I celebrated! It’s been a JOURNEY!
It’s not that I don’t have flaws. It’s not that I don’t mess up. Of course I do! But I don’t dwell on my flaws or mistakes anymore. They don’t drag me down. They don’t propel me into a flurry of comparison, insecurity, or shame. And, without a doubt, I know that with any flaw I have, one of two things will happen:
- First, if Jesus needs to make a change, I only have to submit to Him and He will bring forth something good in place of the flaw. He’ll bring forth fruit, wisdom, and strength! He will teach me and grow me. He’s done it before and he’ll do it again. He’s not done with me yet!
- Second, it may only be my perspective that makes it appear as a flaw. There are many perspectives I’ve had of my body and my personality over the years that I perceived was flawed in some way, when in fact, it was actually the perspective that was flawed, not my body or my personality!
I smile with endearment at some of my “flaws” on my physical body now and rejoice that they tell the story of victory in my life! My faint stretch marks on my belly and cesarean section scar (2x!) give testimony of victory over years of infertility. They testify to God’s provision in my life and tell the story of God’s promises fulfilled with the most incredible gift of my two children! The early evidence of wrinkles around my eyes speak wisdom and experience. I look back on trials and challenges and think to myself, “Well, that’s where that wrinkle came from!” But I’m proud of my journey and what God has brought me through. I no longer look at my life and think “I’ve wasted time” or have shame over mistakes, instead I look at victories and promises fulfilled. I look at all that I’ve conquered through Jesus! I look at my life as a testimony of God’s goodness!
I think back to my junior high and high school self, and the insecurity and uncertainty that followed me. At the time, having only a slight understanding of who God really made me to be. I shake my head thinking, “If only my younger self knew how beautiful she was.” I can’t even imagine how it would have changed things. But more than anything, “If only my younger self had known it was even possible, and how it was possible, through Jesus, to walk in this much confidence!” If only I had known, that salvation actually meant freedom – freedom to be me. I had loved Jesus, but I had not understood this part of the freedom that salvation through Jesus Christ brings. The freedom to be unapologetically me is actually necessary to accomplish the work He has for me.
If only I had known, that salvation actually meant freedom – freedom to be me.
Here’s the beauty of it all. At 38 years old, God has brought me to a place of confidence where I can truly love myself. And like myself. Why? Not out of vanity. Not out of pride. Out of a place of rejoicing and admiring His handiwork! I rejoice and admire His handiwork of His creation that surrounds me all the time, and stare with admiration and praise at the beautiful work of His hand. I gaze at the vibrant changing trees of this fall season, I ponder the creativity behind the stunning harvest moon. I watch my two children explore with wonder at God’s creation and I get to see it through the eyes of children again! My heart sings and cries out to our incredible God, at the wonder of His work. Why should I also not celebrate with him and admire his handiwork in creating me?
Psalm 139:11-16 (MSG)
Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I’d even lived one day.
What fascinates me about this passage is this. First, David the author of this Psalm, acknowledges that, yes, God made him, inside and out! Then, he worships God and tells Him that He is breathtaking! Next, he says, body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration – what a creation! He’s acknowledging God and worshipping Him, then admiring God’s handiwork, of himself! “High God—you’re breathtaking!” He says, and in the next breath, “I am marvelously made!” How often do you worship and rejoice in God because of his handwork in making you? Have you ever actually told God, “I am marvelously made?”
How often do you worship and rejoice in God because of his handwork in making you? Have you ever actually told God, “I am marvelously made?”
You see, it’s not about vanity or pride. It’s about confidence in Him. His ability to bring about in you exactly who he designed you to be! It’s about worshipping the God who fashioned us from nothing. It’s about seeing yourself in how He sees you. Not the distorted view that many of us see. And, it’s about knowing that this is possible! It’s also about knowing that there is freedom from whatever is taking away from you being able to see you truly are marvelously made. God made us more beautiful and marvelous than our minds can even fathom. God does not make mistakes. God does not mess up in his design. It truly becomes an act of worship to be able to come before God and say, “I am marvelously made!”
He chose your gender. He chose your height. He chose your eye color, hair color, skin color. He fashioned your nose, your mouth, your ears. He created your personality, and He delights over it! He doesn’t want you to be like anyone else. That actually grieves His heart when we feel like we need to be like someone else. All of your giftings have a purpose. Do not let admiration of someone else’s giftings turn to jealousy or comparison that will rob you of what God wants to do through you. There is more that He wants to do with your personality and giftings than you can ever imagine.
I have watched with wonder over the years, as through Jesus the confidence in myself grew and flourished – my body, my personality, my giftings – my circle of influence has increased, and I start to see why God made me the way He did. The reason is this, He has something that only I, with exactly how he created me to be (personality and giftings), can do! It’s not vanity, it’s not pride, it’s confidence in the God of creation, who knit me in my mother’s womb (Psalm 139:11) and has such good plans for my life (Jeremiah 29:11) He has the same for you my friend!
Can you imagine, an army of women standing before God, declaring that, “I am marvelously made?!” How powerful that would be to defeat the work of the enemy and the lies he feeds women! What a mighty act of worship that would be unto God! Psalm 68:11 says, “The Lord gives the word; the women who announce the news are a great host“. Let’s be women who announce the news that we truly are a marvelous creation!
My challenge to you is this. Allow yourself to believe that it is possible for you to love yourself and celebrate who God made you to be. Will it be a process? Yes. But I stand before you, 38 years old, and am so incredibly grateful for how far he’s brought me, but at the same time, also recognize that in another 10 years, he’ll have brought me into a greater dimension and fullness of confidence in who he created me to be that I have yet to imagine is possible! His work is never complete. It’s never too late for Him. Come before Him today and just take one step. Choose just one thing that you can celebrate about yourself, and stand before God in confidence, worshipping Him, and say, “I am marvelously made!”
