Dear 18-year-old Self,
20 years have gone by. At 18 I thought 38 seemed painfully old, but now my perspective on that has changed drastically (and thankfully)! So much has happened. I’ve gone through some very painful experiences and some extraordinarily beautiful experiences.
For many years I had regrets and shame over some of my decisions and choices in my past, but I don’t any more because Jesus has truly shown me what it means to be white as snow. His blood is enough. I also know God’s love is greater than any hurt or pain, and His love is now the only and one true thing that defines me. The only thing I look back on now is a longing of how amazingly free and confident I could have been if I would have understood these things much sooner.
So it is with nostalgia that I write to you, my-18-year-old self. I want you to know what’s coming in the years ahead, as God continues to be faithful in pouring out His love and setting you free to become His true daughter.
And I pray that these words will bring freedom to many other women (young and old alike), who are trapped in a place of insecurity and hurts. It’s to you also I share this list. Know these things are possible! May God’s love pour through these words to your innermost being, and no matter what age you are, I want you to know – it’s not too late for freedom.
- You are extraordinarily beautiful. Those feelings when you look in the mirror and dislike what you see. Those feelings that you aren’t beautiful enough. Those thoughts that come and pick apart what you see in the mirror. Your nose is always wrong. You can never measure up to those around you. You are too tall. There’s something wrong with you. Those thoughts are LIES. They are from the enemy. Oh sweet girl, if only you knew you are SO extraordinarily beautiful. Know it’s possible! That someday you will look in the mirror and you will start to see yourself how God sees you! You will even learn to like yourself and celebrate yourself. You will learn how he hand crafted your nose, your body, everything about you, and you will be so thankful he made you to look exactly as you do. The things you dislike now, you will learn to love, because God loves those features about you. You will learn it’s a celebration of worship before God to be able to stand before him and say, God, you have made me fearfully and wonderfully, and I truly believe it (Psalm 139)! And you will be free! No more comparison or feelings of inferiority. It’s possible, sweet girl.
- God loves you UNIQUELY. Understanding God’s love is a lifelong journey, but know that his love for you is UNIQUE. This is important! You are his unique and treasured masterpiece. His love for his treasures knows no end, but for you precious girl, his love is unique. He loves you uniquely different than he loves anyone else. How could he possibly love all his unique pieces of creation exactly the same? Not more or less, but uniquely. He loves your voice. He loves to hear you talk. He loves your beautiful features. He loves the uniqueness of your personality. He loves to see the choices you make and the things you like. You make him smile and laugh, and He sings His song of delight over you (Zephaniah 3:17). Learn to rest in the unique love He has for you. Just for you. As you continue to understand this love, it will continue to bring you freedom. Layer by layer.
- You will be hurt. It’s going to happen. It’s a part of life. Some of life’s circumstances will be extremely painful and hard. Some hurts you receive from others will be extremely painful and hard to navigate. And the pain will be real. But you will learn that God’s love is bigger than your pains. Always. You will learn to rely on His love. It will overflow more and more in your life until all your pains and hurts have been so overcome with the power of His love that He truly will bring good from the pain. The Bible says that God works all things together for good (Romans 8:28), and it’s truly possible because of His love seeping into your life and overflowing in every part of your being. Beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3). The past doesn’t disappear, but His love goes above and beyond. His love will make you a victor. His love will make you stand in confidence. His love gives you the power to forgive.
- You are not what people think of you or what people have done to you. Being concerned about what people think of you seems like the norm now. But it won’t be. You will learn what it is like to live before an audience of one. His love makes it possible. The words of others will start to fall away. It’s possible through Jesus, he is your shield. He absorbs all sin, all wrongdoings towards you. Also, what people have done to you does not define you. Precious daughter, hear this! It’s not who you are. That is a tactic the enemy loves to use to blind you. The enemy clothes you with the shame of other people’s mistakes. No my sweet girl. That’s not the clothing of a daughter of the most high God. You, you are clothed in strength and dignity (Proverbs 31). You will understand this and you will start to walk upright in His clothing for you, not what someone else puts on you.
- Your value doesn’t rely on a boy’s interest in you. I know it can seem really important to have a boy like you or show interest in you right now. I know it can make you feel pretty or valued. I know it feels like it has the power to make you feel on cloud 9 or to feel heartbroken. But I want you to know that your value and worth is not dependent on any boy liking you or disliking you. Whether that is now as a teenager, in 10 years, or 10 years into your future marriage. You will learn that you are valued by your heavenly father no matter how you are treated by a man or even if you are noticed by a man. You will learn that it is an extraordinary gift to have a good husband and it’s part of God’s beautiful design, but the true beauty of your relationship with your husband will only come forth when you understand your true worth in the eyes of your Heavenly Father. You want a man who treasures you because you are a treasure to God. Don’t ever settle for less. And if that man has not walked into your life, God will be enough (Isaiah 54:5).
- You don’t have to change who you are to be liked. It can be so easy to feel like an outsider. I know right now you feel that way often. You are wondering and trying to figure out who you are and where you fit in. It’s normal to want to be liked. But don’t change who you are to achieve this. Don’t change who you are to try and fit in. Don’t change what you believe to fit in. Don’t compromise your faith. If you have to change who you are to be liked, it’s not worth it. As you age, you will understand it’s better to be true to who God made you to be – all the time. There is a reason he made you the way he did. He has chosen you to be set apart. You are not to walk in the ways of the world. He has called you forth for his good purposes. That means you are NOT like everyone else! That means there is a reason you feel like you don’t fit in. He has not made a mistake on who he made you to be, and you will start to understand this someday soon. As his purpose unfolds before you, your understanding of how he designed you will be confirmed.
- There is a lie that tells you girls have to be sweet to be liked. You’ve started walking in a world of passivity because you have believed that you have to be sweet. All the time. This has created a mindset in you of passivity. Of fear. It’s very confusing. You feel if you stand up or show confidence as the leader God designed you to be, you won’t be liked. You’ll offend someone. This is a lie. You can be kind and gentle and nurturing as a woman, yet have full confidence and authority in who God made you to be. You can speak in confidence and authority in the voice he gave you! The voice of a daughter of a king. A princess with access to the Kingdom of God. You will know who you are, and you will not walk or talk in passivity.
- Don’t buy into the world’s agenda for women. The world has many things to say about what a woman should look like, dress like, do with her body, and what your “women’s rights” should be. You will be attacked if you don’t go along with this ideology, but remain strong. I want you to know you don’t have to be masculine to be heard in this world. You also don’t have to gain attention in this world by dressing your body sexually. I want you to know Jesus is your redeemer. He is the true advocate for women. What the world offers is a counterfeit to what Jesus came to bring women. Jesus is the one who spoke to the Samaritan woman at the well and spoke true identity and freedom to her. Jesus is the one who commended Mary of Bethany who sat at his feet, a position in that culture that was exclusively saved for a man. Jesus was the one who saw every woman that came to him and truly saw her and set her free. Jesus broke the curse. You are a beloved daughter of the King and it’s His power through you that will bring forth your confidence and your voice to do all he has called you to, as a woman. You don’t have to change your femininity and you do not have to be ashamed of being a woman. You are not a lesser being than men. The reflection of God is in you. You are created in His image.
Hold tight to these things, allow Him to breath them into your heart and your innermost being. Stay strong in Him and declare His goodness and faithfulness daily. Let it be your heart’s cry. Because He is so good and He is so faithful.
