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Identity

A house that is not shaken

Posted on February 19, 2021

“The Lord is my rock, my salvation and my fortress, I will not be shaken.” Psalm 62:2

We live in a charming 1925 Dutch Colonial. It’s as beautiful and charming on the inside as it is on the outside. Original oak hardwood floors, original trim, tall ceilings. It’s truly magical. Old homes take my breath away, they truly do. There’s something about the craftsmanship and the wood detail that I can’t get over. We’ve lived in our home for 5 years now and we have lovingly made it our own.

Alas, with that beautiful charm and character that takes my breath away, is almost 100 years of surprises and fixes hidden in those walls. Our home was a bit deceptive with it’s newly refinished floors and updated kitchen and bath. What could go wrong? I had already planned out our “happily ever after” in this house. I had all of my decorating endeavors mapped out on Pinterest. However, it didn’t take long to learn that the old knob and tube wiring that, during inspection, we thought was only in a small percentage of the home, was actually throughout the majority. Ouch. Not the safe home we imagined to raise our family in. And not only was it a costly project, but it is a messy long process that requires lots of holes drilled into your ceilings and walls to rerun all the electrical. With plaster walls what that means is dust, dust, and more dust. Everywhere.

It seemed that our list of “surprise, you live in an old house!” projects grew very quickly, much to my dismay. I begrudgingly set some of my decorating projects aside as we slowly chipped away at the necessary, though not as fun projects.

The most recent surprise was a leak in the foundation of approximately one third of our finished and carpeted basement. This leak had more than likely been taking place for months, if not years before we caught it. We had noticed a musty smell for a while but summed it up to a Michigan basement in the winter. It wasn’t until I stepped in the corner of the room and my foot sank in sopping wet carpet that we knew we had a serious problem. Yikes. By this point, not only did we have multiple leaks, but we had mold. The bad kind.

The remediation of our basement required not only a professional mold company to come out right away and take care of the mold issue, but it required multiple layers of removing walls, framing, assessing damage, talking to professionals, seeking out the best solution, and it required us living with the items we normally hide in our storage room in our main basement living area. Everything was exposed. The old not so pleasant interior of almost 100 year old walls, the leaks, the electrical wires, and all of our stuff that’s normally hidden away in storage. It was a large mess which has taken well over a year (many thanks to you, COVID, for increasing that timeline) to fix.

As we were going through this process of fixing our house, Jesus told me, “Jami, you’re not unlike this house.” I pondered what he was speaking to me through this. Some years back, the Lord had taken me through a major renovation of my heart. “The Excavation of My Heart” project, I like to call it. I literally asked the Lord to “Excavate my heart.” And he did! There were some major identity pieces in my heart that he had to align and set on the proper foundation. It was not fun, and it took a lot of surrendering to Him and it yielded a lot of messiness exposed, but it was worth it. Why? Because it brought healing, restoration, and in turn a massive amount of fruit to come forth in my life.

So here I was, Jesus telling me I was like our house with all of its basement mess exposed. But…I was solid…so I thought. The truth was, I was solid just like I thought our house had been. It all appeared to be in good condition, and truly, had had a significant amount of renovation done over the years. And truly, He’d equally done such a great work of renovation in my heart! And He had, it was true!

But then a storm came, and I realized He had been right. I was shaken. I saw areas that I’d thought had been healed or on solid foundation greatly shaken. “Lord!”, I had cried. “I don’t understand, you already took me through the healing process and restoration process in this area, why am I facing this storm right now?” “Jami, yes, you have gone through a healing process, and your foundation is strong. But your windows are leaking and you have some structural issues I want to fix. The storm you are in is exposing those areas. Are you willing to surrender to the master carpenter and allow me to continue the good work of restoration in your heart?”

You see, God is continually trying to improve and heal our hearts. Philippians 1:6 says, “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” He wants to make us strong. Fix our “leaky windows”, our “structural issues”, our “knob and tube wiring”, or even worse, our “leaky basements with mold!”. He wants to take all the hidden things in our hearts that we’ve hidden behind beautiful walls, oak wood floors and Pinterest worthy decorations, and he wants to expose the mess behind it. All those leaks that have been there for years. My friends, the longer they are there, the messier it is. The higher chance of mold and a BIGGER job of restoration or our heart. Could it be that the storms you are facing are actually opportunities for God to show you what needs to be fixed?

The thing I’ve learned in this process, over and over again, is that He always asks permission. “Are you willing to allow me to take this wall out?” “Will you let me fix this area of your life?” And, are you willing to submit to Him, and allow Him to point out all the areas of exposure when the storm comes? No one wants to be living in a moldy house. Likewise we shouldn’t allow mold and water damage to remain in our hearts.

Those storms you may be facing right now, are they exposing the areas He wants to fix in your life? Are you willing to withstand the renovation, no matter how long and messy it may get, so that he can do his master work as the master carpenter of your heart?

Pray with me. “Jesus, I ask you to help me trust you, that every storm that comes my way is an opportunity for you to show me an area you would like to fix in my life. I choose to surrender and I say yes to your good work.” Philippians 1:6

Identity

I Am Good

Posted on December 23, 2020

We’ve all had those moments. The moment we look at someone else and see that they are better at or gifted in an area that we are not, and those old feelings of inadequacy rise. This happened to me recently. As I took my feelings of inadequacy to the Lord, somewhat baffled that I was having these feelings in the first place, I felt the Lord say, “Jami, I have declared you GOOD!” It stopped me in my tracks, as a flood of assurance poured through my mind and heart. A reminder, that God has declared me GOOD (Genesis 1:31).

He reminded me that it is in the image of God that I am made (Gen. 1:26). It was after the completion of creation, after the final piece was created, woman, when God said over creation, it is “very good”. As daughters of God, we need to understand this. God has declared us, “very good.” As I contemplated the fact that God has declared me good, and let it sink in, God brought forth a flood of reminders of all the things within me that truly are good. My giftings, talents, personality – all things that are meant to reflect part of Him and point people to Him. After all, I am created in His image, so the things within me that he has specifically designed for me, reflect Him. Things, that are necessary for me to complete the purposes God has for me on this earth.

God has designed each of us uniquely and specifically for a purpose. Ephesians 2:10 says, “I am God’s workmanship, created for good works.” You see, the deeper our revelation of our identity in Christ and of who God created us to be, and His “good works” He has for us, the more confident we can be in the “goodness” of His design! I don’t need to feel inadequate because I understand that every part of who God created me to be, His workmanship – my personality, my giftings, my strengths, they all are for a reason. And it is GOOD! Are we all a work in process? Yes! But we can be confident that He who began a good work in us will complete it (Philippians 1:6)!

Once we understand this, we have freedom to walk it out and be who He designed me to be, without allowing those feelings of inadequacy to linger, we can truly take them captive (2 Corinthians 10:5) and counter them with the TRUTH. I am good. I am very good. My Father, my creator says so. The more I do this, the less those feelings and voices even consider popping into my head, and the sooner I can combat them with truth.

Because, as a daughter of God, I know what my Father says, and I can declare the truth. I do not fear because He has not given me a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7). I am free from condemnation (Romans 8:1-2). I know that He works all things together for good (Romans 8:28). He wove me together in my mother’s womb. Bit by bit. Piece by piece. (Psalm 139:13) He has good works for me, and has made me a masterpiece, a beautiful workmanship that He has designed, perfectly to fit His good works He has for me (Ephesians 2:10).

So you see, I am good. My personality is good. My voice is good. My talents and giftings are good. Because He says so. Because the master designer, the Alpha and Omega, the one who holds the world in His palm. He says so, and it is HIS VOICE alone that I will hear. The voice of my Father.

I pray that YOU also will hear his voice and know that YOU, daughter of God, you are good. Your Father says so.

Identity

A letter to my 18 year old self (20 YEARS LATER)

Posted on October 22, 2020

Dear 18-year-old Self,

20 years have gone by. At 18 I thought 38 seemed painfully old, but now my perspective on that has changed drastically (and thankfully)! So much has happened. I’ve gone through some very painful experiences and some extraordinarily beautiful experiences.

For many years I had regrets and shame over some of my decisions and choices in my past, but I don’t any more because Jesus has truly shown me what it means to be white as snow. His blood is enough. I also know God’s love is greater than any hurt or pain, and His love is now the only and one true thing that defines me. The only thing I look back on now is a longing of how amazingly free and confident I could have been if I would have understood these things much sooner.

So it is with nostalgia that I write to you, my-18-year-old self. I want you to know what’s coming in the years ahead, as God continues to be faithful in pouring out His love and setting you free to become His true daughter.

And I pray that these words will bring freedom to many other women (young and old alike), who are trapped in a place of insecurity and hurts. It’s to you also I share this list. Know these things are possible! May God’s love pour through these words to your innermost being, and no matter what age you are, I want you to know – it’s not too late for freedom.

You are extraordinarily beautiful. Those feelings when you look in the mirror and dislike what you see. Those feelings that you aren’t beautiful enough. Those thoughts that come and pick apart what you see in the mirror. Your nose is always wrong. You can never measure up to those around you. You are too tall. There’s something wrong with you. Those thoughts are LIES. They are from the enemy. Oh sweet girl, if only you knew you are SO extraordinarily beautiful. Know it’s possible! That someday you will look in the mirror and you will start to see yourself how God sees you! You will even learn to like yourself and celebrate yourself. You will learn how he hand crafted your nose, your body, everything about you, and you will be so thankful he made you to look exactly as you do. The things you dislike now, you will learn to love, because God loves those features about you. You will learn it’s a celebration of worship before God to be able to stand before him and say, God, you have made me fearfully and wonderfully, and I truly believe it (Psalm 139)! And you will be free! No more comparison or feelings of inferiority. It’s possible, sweet girl.

God loves you UNIQUELY. Understanding God’s love is a lifelong journey, but know that his love for you is UNIQUE. This is important! You are his unique and treasured masterpiece. His love for his treasures knows no end, but for you precious girl, his love is unique. He loves you uniquely different than he loves anyone else. How could he possibly love all his unique pieces of creation exactly the same? Not more or less, but uniquely. He loves your voice. He loves to hear you talk. He loves your beautiful features. He loves the uniqueness of your personality. He loves to see the choices you make and the things you like. You make him smile and laugh, and He sings His song of delight over you (Zephaniah 3:17). Learn to rest in the unique love He has for you. Just for you. As you continue to understand this love, it will continue to bring you freedom. Layer by layer.

You will be hurt. It’s going to happen. It’s a part of life. Some of life’s circumstances will be extremely painful and hard. Some hurts you receive from others will be extremely painful and hard to navigate. And the pain will be real. But you will learn that God’s love is bigger than your pains. Always. You will learn to rely on His love. It will overflow more and more in your life until all your pains and hurts have been so overcome with the power of His love that He truly will bring good from the pain. The Bible says that God works all things together for good (Romans 8:28), and it’s truly possible because of His love seeping into your life and overflowing in every part of your being. Beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3). The past doesn’t disappear, but His love goes above and beyond. His love will make you a victor. His love will make you stand in confidence. His love gives you the power to forgive.

You are not what people think of you or what people have done to you. Being concerned about what people think of you seems like the norm now. But it won’t be. You will learn what it is like to live before an audience of one. His love makes it possible. The words of others will start to fall away. It’s possible through Jesus, he is your shield. He absorbs all sin, all wrongdoings towards you. Also, what people have done to you does not define you. Precious daughter, hear this! It’s not who you are. That is a tactic the enemy loves to use to blind you. The enemy clothes you with the shame of other people’s mistakes. No my sweet girl. That’s not the clothing of a daughter of the most high God. You, you are clothed in strength and dignity (Proverbs 31). You will understand this and you will start to walk upright in His clothing for you, not what someone else puts on you.

Your value doesn’t rely on a boy’s interest in you. I know it can seem really important to have a boy like you or show interest in you right now. I know it can make you feel pretty or valued. I know it feels like it has the power to make you feel on cloud 9 or to feel heartbroken. But I want you to know that your value and worth is not dependent on any boy liking you or disliking you. Whether that is now as a teenager, in 10 years, or 10 years into your future marriage. You will learn that you are valued by your heavenly father no matter how you are treated by a man or even if you are noticed by a man. You will learn that it is an extraordinary gift to have a good husband and it’s part of God’s beautiful design, but the true beauty of your relationship with your husband will only come forth when you understand your true worth in the eyes of your Heavenly Father. You want a man who treasures you because you are a treasure to God. Don’t ever settle for less. And if that man has not walked into your life, God will be enough (Isaiah 54:5).

You don’t have to change who you are to be liked. It can be so easy to feel like an outsider. I know right now you feel that way often. You are wondering and trying to figure out who you are and where you fit in. It’s normal to want to be liked. But don’t change who you are to achieve this. Don’t change who you are to try and fit in. Don’t change what you believe to fit in. Don’t compromise your faith. If you have to change who you are to be liked, it’s not worth it. As you age, you will understand it’s better to be true to who God made you to be – all the time. There is a reason he made you the way he did. He has chosen you to be set apart. You are not to walk in the ways of the world. He has called you forth for his good purposes. That means you are NOT like everyone else! That means there is a reason you feel like you don’t fit in. He has not made a mistake on who he made you to be, and you will start to understand this someday soon. As his purpose unfolds before you, your understanding of how he designed you will be confirmed.

There is a lie that tells you girls have to be sweet to be liked. You’ve started walking in a world of passivity because you have believed that you have to be sweet. All the time. This has created a mindset in you of passivity. Of fear. It’s very confusing. You feel if you stand up or show confidence as the leader God designed you to be, you won’t be liked. You’ll offend someone. This is a lie. You can be kind and gentle and nurturing as a woman, yet have full confidence and authority in who God made you to be. You can speak in confidence and authority in the voice he gave you! The voice of a daughter of a king. A princess with access to the Kingdom of God. You will know who you are, and you will not walk or talk in passivity.

Don’t buy into the world’s agenda for women. The world has many things to say about what a woman should look like, dress like, do with her body, and what your “women’s rights” should be. You will be attacked if you don’t go along with this ideology, but remain strong. I want you to know you don’t have to be masculine to be heard in this world. You also don’t have to gain attention in this world by dressing your body sexually. I want you to know Jesus is your redeemer. He is the true advocate for women. What the world offers is a counterfeit to what Jesus came to bring women. Jesus is the one who spoke to the Samaritan woman at the well and spoke true identity and freedom to her. Jesus is the one who commended Mary of Bethany who sat at his feet, a position in that culture that was exclusively saved for a man. Jesus was the one who saw every woman that came to him and truly saw her and set her free. Jesus broke the curse. You are a beloved daughter of the King and it’s His power through you that will bring forth your confidence and your voice to do all he has called you to, as a woman. You don’t have to change your femininity and you do not have to be ashamed of being a woman. You are not a lesser being than men. The reflection of God is in you. You are created in His image.

Hold tight to these things, allow Him to breath them into your heart and your innermost being. Stay strong in Him and declare His goodness and faithfulness daily. Let it be your heart’s cry. Because He is so good and He is so faithful.

Identity

Celebrating the fruit

Posted on October 9, 2020

I have a dream that I believe is possible for women. I believe that we can all come to a place completely free of comparison and jealousy. I believe that we can live in confidence and peace in exactly who God made us. I believe we can learn to stop looking at those around us and stop being jealous of the fruit that we see in someone else’s life and learn to continuously abide in Jesus. I believe through Him, we can do this, and be so completely fulfilled by Jesus that we are free of feelings of inferiority to those around us. If we do this, we will each produce an abundance of the unique fruit God wants to produce in our lives. And I believe this dream is possible because of how far He’s brought me free from comparison, insecurity and jealousy. And I know it’s only possible through abiding in Jesus.

John 15 gives us this beautiful image of Jesus describing Himself as the vine and we are the branches. Father God is the vinedresser and prunes us so we can produce more fruit. In the literal grape vine, the pruning allows the sap to run to the healthy branches instead of the feeble or sickly branches. This illustrates how Father God prunes us of the bad and sickly branches which allows the power of Jesus to run through us, just like that sap, and it brings the potency of Jesus to the fruit being produced.

We all have a unique combination of fruit that God wants to bring forth, just like each grape cluster is unique and full, God wants us ALL to produce unique fruit that’s full in our lives! We all should be producing the fruit of the Holy Spirit, but God has also given each of us different giftings. We’ve also all walked through different experiences, that through abiding in Jesus in all of these experiences and circumstances, brings forth fruit to feed those around us. He has people for you that YOU need to reach with the fruit that He wants to produce in your life. But we have to heed to John 15, and recognize that without abiding in Jesus, we can do nothing.

Stages to Produce Fruit
Unlike a literal grape vine that has no choice when the vinedresser comes to prune, we have a choice if we are going to submit our hearts to God and yield to this process. He needs to prune us. It’s the first stage. It’s the hardest stage. It’s messy, and at times it’s painful. But it’s necessary. Without the pruning we have no blossoms.

Next comes the blossoms. One thing that’s interesting about the grape is the blossoms are not very memorable. They are a small white flower that requires you to get close to the branch to see. That’s exactly what the blossoming stage is like in our lives. It’s a sign to us, and those close to us, to see what’s to come! It’s an absolutely necessary stage, and it tells us that, YES, the fruit is COMING! I believe it’s important that the grape blossom isn’t what’s memorable about the grape, unlike the apple blossom or cherry blossom. Because what’s memorable about the grape is the grape!

The last stage is the fruit! God wants us to produce fruit in fullness in our lives, just like a grape cluster! Each fruit that’s produced in our lives is intended to bring someone around us closer to Jesus. It’s all intended to feed the kingdom of God! It’s not the blossom that feeds the kingdom of God, it’s the fruit that’s produced through abiding in Jesus through each stage.

Feed My Sheep
In John 21:15-17, Jesus has a memorable conversation with Peter. “When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” He said to him a second time, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “ Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, Tend my sheep. He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.”

If we LOVE Jesus, we will abide in Him. If we abide in Him, we will produce the fruit needed to feed his sheep. Because it’s not just about us is it? Every sphere, every circle that you are in, every people group you’re called to, every relationship, God wants to produce fruit in your life to feed those around you. A sign of HIM!

If we LOVE Jesus, we will abide in Him. If we abide in Him, we will produce the fruit needed to feed his sheep.

Your VOICE is a pathway to fruitfulness.
Your ACTIONS are pathways to fruitfulness.
Your ATTITUDE is a pathway to fruitfulness.

They’re just words and actions aren’t they? Until you abide in Jesus and He’s in you, then they are potent words and actions that bring LIFE to those around you! You have no idea what someone is going through and the life that your words or how your actions can truly demonstrate the potency and power of Jesus through you.

Why do we compare?
So why do we walk in comparison and jealousy of those around us that are producing fruit? The answer is it is only through feelings of inadequacy that we start to compare. If we truly abide (the Greek word for Abide means remain) in Jesus and have Father God, the vinedresser, prune from our lives on a regular basis, we won’t feel inadequate. Jesus IS enough and through him we see our value and our true identity. If we don’t abide (remain) in him consistently and if we also let the lies of the enemy in, we start to feel inadequate!

The enemy loves to whisper things like, “You aren’t as qualified as they are.” “They are so much more talented than you.” “They are so much prettier than you.” “They are a better mom than you.” “You aren’t doing your job well.” “You should stop trying, you’ll never measure up.” “They have their life together and your life is a mess.” “Why did you think you could even try? You should just give up.” “Remember that huge mistake you made years ago?” Do any of these sound familiar? It can be never ceasing until we learn to take our thoughts captive to obey Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5), and you can only do that when you remain in him.

But here’s the problem with jealousy amongst women who are following Christ. ARE we truly going to be jealous of the fruit in someone else’s life that is produced by Jesus in them to feed his sheep? Because that is exactly what the enemy wants us to do. To compare ourselves and to feel inadequate, which turns to jealousy. Jealousy is a bitter bad fruit that will lead to bitter rotten fruit in our life, and will block good fruit from growing.

God has called us to be women who celebrate when another is producing fruit in her life! To rejoice that the fruit that God has brought forth that will feed many in the kingdom of God!! Remember, the final stage is the only one that’s evident to everyone. The FRUIT! We didn’t see all that happened behind the scenes as that person abided in Jesus, allowed the pruning to happen. We didn’t see the difficult seasons where they clung to Jesus with all they had and were refined and pruned until the gold and bountiful fruit burst forth in their life. Most of us didn’t see the blossoming season when those small blossoms were signs of what was to come. Every piece of fruit Jesus produces in our lives has a story to tell.

Every piece of fruit Jesus produces in our lives has a story to tell.

Don’t allow comparison to steal what God wants to do in your own life. He has fruit he wants to produce in YOU that’s intended to feed someone! Someone in your sphere, in your circles, needs what God is going to bring forth in your life. You’ll be able to say to someone who is going through a difficult time, “I’ve been there! But look at what God did in my life! He is so good!” And you will bring forth a testimony and declare His goodness! You will bring forth the fruit of what he has brought you through, and someone else needs that fruit from you to point them to Jesus!

Fruit feeds the kingdom of God. Let’s not be women who are jealous of the ones around us who are bearing much fruit in this season. Let’s learn from them. Instead of jealousy, let’s be women who start asking the story of the fruit in their lives! I guarantee you, there will be a story that you can learn from. If we learn to do these things, and remain in Jesus, we can be women who live in freedom, full confidence, free of jealousy, and free of resentment. Women with an abundance of fruit, many different varieties, many different arrangements of clusters, and many different colors, that will feed the kingdom of God.

Identity

I am marvelously made!

Posted on September 11, 2020

This week, I celebrated my 38th birthday. The eve of my birthday, I was praying and had an abundant sense that the heavens were celebrating over my birth and over the plans God had for my life and how they are coming into fruition. In that moment, a sense of God’s delight in me overflowed from my heart and permeated my entire being. It was the best birthday gift I have ever received.

In the morning, when I woke, that sense of joy and God’s delight and celebration in me was still so evident, that I did something I’ve never done quite in this way before. I paused and took time to pray and thank God for making me. I celebrated with Him over my birth and His beautiful design of me. I felt an abundance of joy as I meditated on who He’s designed me to be. My personality, my giftings, the way I look and my physical appearance, and I rejoiced over how each and every year, He’s significantly transformed me to becoming more and more like the daughter of the King that I am designed to be. And so, I celebrated! It’s been a JOURNEY!

It’s not that I don’t have flaws. It’s not that I don’t mess up. Of course I do! But I don’t dwell on my flaws or mistakes anymore. They don’t drag me down. They don’t propel me into a flurry of comparison, insecurity, or shame. And, without a doubt, I know that with any flaw I have, one of two things will happen:

First, if Jesus needs to make a change, I only have to submit to Him and He will bring forth something good in place of the flaw. He’ll bring forth fruit, wisdom, and strength! He will teach me and grow me. He’s done it before and he’ll do it again. He’s not done with me yet!

Second, it may only be my perspective that makes it appear as a flaw. There are many perspectives I’ve had of my body and my personality over the years that I perceived was flawed in some way, when in fact, it was actually the perspective that was flawed, not my body or my personality!

I smile with endearment at some of my “flaws” on my physical body now and rejoice that they tell the story of victory in my life! My faint stretch marks on my belly and cesarean section scar (2x!) give testimony of victory over years of infertility. They testify to God’s provision in my life and tell the story of God’s promises fulfilled with the most incredible gift of my two children! The early evidence of wrinkles around my eyes speak wisdom and experience. I look back on trials and challenges and think to myself, “Well, that’s where that wrinkle came from!” But I’m proud of my journey and what God has brought me through. I no longer look at my life and think “I’ve wasted time” or have shame over mistakes, instead I look at victories and promises fulfilled. I look at all that I’ve conquered through Jesus! I look at my life as a testimony of God’s goodness!

I think back to my junior high and high school self, and the insecurity and uncertainty that followed me. At the time, having only a slight understanding of who God really made me to be. I shake my head thinking, “If only my younger self knew how beautiful she was.” I can’t even imagine how it would have changed things. But more than anything, “If only my younger self had known it was even possible, and how it was possible, through Jesus, to walk in this much confidence!” If only I had known, that salvation actually meant freedom – freedom to be me. I had loved Jesus, but I had not understood this part of the freedom that salvation through Jesus Christ brings. The freedom to be unapologetically me is actually necessary to accomplish the work He has for me.

If only I had known, that salvation actually meant freedom – freedom to be me.

Here’s the beauty of it all. At 38 years old, God has brought me to a place of confidence where I can truly love myself. And like myself. Why? Not out of vanity. Not out of pride. Out of a place of rejoicing and admiring His handiwork! I rejoice and admire His handiwork of His creation that surrounds me all the time, and stare with admiration and praise at the beautiful work of His hand. I gaze at the vibrant changing trees of this fall season, I ponder the creativity behind the stunning harvest moon. I watch my two children explore with wonder at God’s creation and I get to see it through the eyes of children again! My heart sings and cries out to our incredible God, at the wonder of His work. Why should I also not celebrate with him and admire his handiwork in creating me?

Psalm 139:11-16 (MSG)
Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day.

What fascinates me about this passage is this. First, David the author of this Psalm, acknowledges that, yes, God made him, inside and out! Then, he worships God and tells Him that He is breathtaking! Next, he says, body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration – what a creation! He’s acknowledging God and worshipping Him, then admiring God’s handiwork, of himself! “High God—you’re breathtaking!” He says, and in the next breath, “I am marvelously made!” How often do you worship and rejoice in God because of his handwork in making you? Have you ever actually told God, “I am marvelously made?”

How often do you worship and rejoice in God because of his handwork in making you? Have you ever actually told God, “I am marvelously made?”

You see, it’s not about vanity or pride. It’s about confidence in Him. His ability to bring about in you exactly who he designed you to be! It’s about worshipping the God who fashioned us from nothing. It’s about seeing yourself in how He sees you. Not the distorted view that many of us see. And, it’s about knowing that this is possible! It’s also about knowing that there is freedom from whatever is taking away from you being able to see you truly are marvelously made. God made us more beautiful and marvelous than our minds can even fathom. God does not make mistakes. God does not mess up in his design. It truly becomes an act of worship to be able to come before God and say, “I am marvelously made!”

He chose your gender. He chose your height. He chose your eye color, hair color, skin color. He fashioned your nose, your mouth, your ears. He created your personality, and He delights over it! He doesn’t want you to be like anyone else. That actually grieves His heart when we feel like we need to be like someone else. All of your giftings have a purpose. Do not let admiration of someone else’s giftings turn to jealousy or comparison that will rob you of what God wants to do through you. There is more that He wants to do with your personality and giftings than you can ever imagine.

I have watched with wonder over the years, as through Jesus the confidence in myself grew and flourished – my body, my personality, my giftings – my circle of influence has increased, and I start to see why God made me the way He did. The reason is this, He has something that only I, with exactly how he created me to be (personality and giftings), can do! It’s not vanity, it’s not pride, it’s confidence in the God of creation, who knit me in my mother’s womb (Psalm 139:11) and has such good plans for my life (Jeremiah 29:11) He has the same for you my friend!

Can you imagine, an army of women standing before God, declaring that, “I am marvelously made?!” How powerful that would be to defeat the work of the enemy and the lies he feeds women! What a mighty act of worship that would be unto God! Psalm 68:11 says, “The Lord gives the word; the women who announce the news are a great host“. Let’s be women who announce the news that we truly are a marvelous creation!

My challenge to you is this. Allow yourself to believe that it is possible for you to love yourself and celebrate who God made you to be. Will it be a process? Yes. But I stand before you, 38 years old, and am so incredibly grateful for how far he’s brought me, but at the same time, also recognize that in another 10 years, he’ll have brought me into a greater dimension and fullness of confidence in who he created me to be that I have yet to imagine is possible! His work is never complete. It’s never too late for Him. Come before Him today and just take one step. Choose just one thing that you can celebrate about yourself, and stand before God in confidence, worshipping Him, and say, “I am marvelously made!”